Navigating Conversations with an ADHD Partner
For people with ADHD, conversations can be tough. Because they struggle with keeping attention, they might seem distracted, forget details, or interrupt frequently, which can lead to misunderstandings and frustration. Their impulsivity may cause them to speak without thinking, potentially leading to hurtful or inappropriate comments.
However, it’s important to remember that these behaviors are not intentional. People with ADHD have neurological differences than neurotypical people—their brains literally function in a different way. Recognizing this can help you approach conversations with more empathy and less frustration. Here’s how to have better conversations with your ADHD partner.
Choose the Right Time and Place
Conversations are more successful in environments with fewer distractions. For someone with ADHD, a noisy or cluttered space can be overwhelming, which makes it difficult for them to focus. Choose a calm, quiet setting for important discussions. Try to also have conversations at a time when your partner isn’t feeling rushed or overwhelmed by other tasks.
Be Direct and Clear
People with ADHD may struggle with processing large amounts of information at once. When discussing important topics, be clear and concise. Avoid long-winded explanations or overly complex language. Break down your thoughts into smaller, manageable parts and make sure your partner understands each point before moving on to the next. It can also be helpful to ask them to repeat back what they’ve understood to confirm that you’re on the same page.
Use Visual Aids
Visual aids can be incredibly helpful in laying out a discussion for someone with ADHD. Visual aids might include writing down key points, using diagrams, or even texting important details after a conversation. Visual reminders can help your partner stay focused and retain information better than verbal communication alone.
Practice Active Listening
Active listening is a skill in any relationship, but it’s especially crucial when communicating with someone with ADHD. This means truly focusing on what your partner is saying rather than thinking up a response. Show you’re engaged by making eye contact, nodding, and using verbal affirmations. If your partner feels heard and understood, they’re more likely to reciprocate the same level of attentiveness.
Be Patient with Repetition
One of the challenges in communicating with someone with ADHD is that you may need to repeat yourself more often than you’d like. While this can be frustrating, it’s important to remember they’re not forgetting on purpose. Getting angry or exasperated will only create tension. Instead, calmly restate your point and find ways to reinforce the information, such as by writing it down or setting reminders.
Set Boundaries on Interruptions
If their impulsivity means you’re frequently interrupted, you probably feel railroaded during your conversations. It’s important to set boundaries around this behavior in a way that doesn’t shame your partner. You might say something like, “I know you have a lot of thoughts on this, and I want to hear them all, but can we take turns speaking so we don’t miss anything important?” This sets a clear expectation without making your partner feel bad.
Are You Struggling to Connect With Your Partner?
It isn’t always easy having a partner with ADHD. If you’ve been struggling to communicate or their condition is causing a rift in your relationship, consider talking to a couples counselor. While it’s important to reach your ADHD partner where they are, it’s not all on you to make the communication work. In couples therapy, you can both discuss how to better connect, build trust and accountability, and set healthy boundaries.
To find out more about how to have better conversations with your ADHD partner with ADHD therapy, please reach out to us.
