Supporting Kids Through Divorce: Practical Tips for Parents

Divorce isn’t an easy thing for kids to accept. After all, it can shake their sense of stability and safety. As parents move forward with divorce, their children may become more anxious, withdrawn, and have a hard time focusing at school.

If you are beginning the process or are in the middle of a divorce, it’s important to put your child’s feelings front and center. When parents consider how divorce will affect their children, they equip them to cope with life’s challenges in a healthy way. Here are some strategies for supporting your child through a divorce.

Give a Unified Narrative

It’s best if you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse plan how to tell your child about your divorce. Tell them together, and give them only the information they need. It’s important for each parent not to bad-mouth the other. Don’t confide in them about adult issues, like disagreements about parenting or your financial situation. Avoid putting them in the middle and having them act as go-betweens with messages from one parent to the other. When you show your child that both parents are still unified when it comes to taking care of them, they’ll be less worried about the upcoming split.

Provide Reassurance

Kids often blame themselves when their parents get divorced. They need consistent reassurance that your split has nothing to do with them. Tell them they’re absolutely not the cause of your divorce, and try to emphasize the positives. For example, show them how great it will be to move closer to friends once your house is sold.

Model Healthy Coping Strategies

Children see more than we think they do. Your child sees and internalizes how you respond to stressful situations. It’s important to model healthy ways of coping with stress so that they can also approach problems this way. This might include talking about your feelings in an age-appropriate way, cooperating with your soon-to-be ex, and engaging in self-care.

Create a Stable Routine

Divorce creates chaos, which only makes kids more upset. They need to feel in control of their lives, and a routine can provide that. Even though your entire lives are shifting, look for ways to bring in a reliable activity that your child can turn to. Make sure they’re eating and going to bed at the same time each night. Try incorporating something fun into your schedule, like grabbing pizza at a local place each month.

Rely on a Support Network

Withdrawing from others can be a natural response to a parent’s divorce. However, this is bad for mental health in the long run. Make sure your child has access to other people—friends, extended family members, teachers, neighbors, mentors—who can relate to them. Encourage them to get out of their shell. They’ll also need an outlet for their emotions, and hanging out with others is a good way to banish bad feelings once in a while.

Be Patient

You and your spouse likely had time to grieve your relationship. Your child needs time to come to terms with this news. Not only are their parents splitting up, but their life is also about to drastically change—two households, two schedules, two of every major holiday. They may not come around for a while, and that’s okay. Give them the space to feel their feelings, and provide them with plenty of support along the way.

Does Your Child Need Help?

If your child is struggling to come to terms with your divorce, it might be time to talk to someone. A child therapist can help your child grieve the life they had with both parents under the same roof. To heal, it’s best to talk through their feelings and develop healthy coping mechanisms for stressful situations.

To learn more about how child therapy can help children cope with their parents’ divorce, please reach out to us.