What Constitutes Emotional Infidelity in a Relationship?
Relationships thrive on trust, intimacy, and open communication. What happens when this foundation is eroded? While most people are familiar with the concept of physical infidelity, emotional infidelity is a less understood breach of trust. Still, its impact can be just as devastating as physical betrayal. Here’s what emotional infidelity is and how it affects relationships.
What Is Emotional Infidelity?
Emotional infidelity happens when one partner engages in a deep, emotionally intimate relationship with someone outside of their committed partnership in a way that puts an emotional wedge between both partners. It often starts innocently: you confide in a colleague about work stress; you text a friend late at night for advice; suddenly someone seems to “get you” in ways your partner doesn’t. Unlike physical infidelity, it doesn’t involve sexual or physical contact, but it’s characterized by a level of closeness and intimacy that creates secrecy, exclusivity, and more emotional investment in another person.
Signs of Emotional Infidelity
Emotional infidelity can be difficult to identify because it’s not concrete (like a physical affair). However, there are some common signs to watch for:
Secrecy: You hide conversations, texts, or the extent of your interactions with someone outside the relationship. If your partner asks, you may feel defensive or evasive.
Emotional Distance: You notice a growing emotional gap between you and your partner. You might feel less inclined to share your thoughts, feelings, or experiences with them. You stop updating them on your daily life.
Prioritizing Someone Else: You consistently turn to this other person for emotional support or validation before your partner.
Daydreaming or Fantasizing: You think about this person frequently and look forward to interactions with them. You might even wish for a physical connection with them.
Downplaying the Connection: You tell yourself or others that the relationship is “just a friendship” while knowing it carries deeper undertones.
Emotional Infidelity vs. Healthy Friendships
No one in a healthy relationship should cut off their friends, family, and coworkers. These relationships are all important parts of a balanced life and help you keep your personal identity. Not all close emotional connections outside a relationship are inappropriate. The distinction lies in whether they undermine your primary relationship. Emotional infidelity becomes an issue when:
You share personal or intimate details with someone else that you’d typically share with your partner.
You rely on this other person to meet emotional needs your partner is unaware of or unable to fulfill.
Your partner feels excluded, disrespected, or hurt by the closeness you share with someone else.
Addressing Emotional Infidelity
If you’ve experienced or suspect emotional infidelity in your relationship, here are some steps to navigate the situation:
Acknowledge What’s Happening: Recognize the behavior and its impact. Reflect on why the emotional connection developed outside the relationship. What need is this other person fulfilling that one partner isn’t? Are there other cracks in your relationship?
Communicate Openly: Start having honest conversations about feelings, boundaries, and unmet needs. Try to keep these conversations civil and take ownership of your roles in what’s happening. Avoid blaming the other person or becoming too defensive.
Set Boundaries: Establish clear guidelines for what both partners consider acceptable behavior with others. This might mean being transparent about phone and internet usage, cutting off the emotional affair partner, or checking in at certain times.
Rebuild Trust: This involves consistent actions and a commitment to prioritize the emotional connection within the relationship. Use this time to go on dates, spend time together, and start new activities. You need to find the spark in your relationship again, which will mean practicing gratitude, romantic gestures, and being physically close.
Support After Emotional Infidelity
If you and your partner are struggling to cope after an emotional affair, consider couples counseling. Schedule a consultation with us today so we can develop a treatment plan for your situation. Couples counseling gives you the opportunity to communicate better, deepen your emotional intimacy, and rebuild your relationship.
