Have you ever felt like there are different parts of you that seem to be at odds? Maybe a critical voice in your head tells you you’re not good enough, while another part desperately seeks validation. These inner conflicts are common, and Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is one way to understand and heal them.

What is Internal Family Systems?

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic approach based on the idea that our psyche comprises different “parts,” each with its own role, emotions, and motivations. These parts interact like a family, and just like in any family, there can be peace or conflict between them.

At the core of IFS is the belief that everyone has a “Self” — a compassionate, wise, and grounded presence that can help heal and integrate the different parts of our inner world. The goal of IFS therapy is to help clients connect with the Self and build a harmonious relationship with their parts, leading to emotional balance and self-awareness. Anxiety treatment through IFS can help identify and calm the inner parts that contribute to chronic worry or stress.

The Three Types of Parts in IFS

IFS categorizes parts into three categories:

Exiles

These are parts that carry deep wounds, usually from negative childhood experiences. They hold painful emotions like shame, fear, and sadness. Because their pain can be overwhelming, other parts work to keep them suppressed.

Managers

These parts act as protectors that maintain control and prevent exiles from surfacing. They often take the form of perfectionism, people-pleasing, self-criticism, or hyper-productivity.

Firefighters

When exiled emotions break through, firefighters rush in to put out the emotional “fire.” They do this through impulsive or extreme behaviors like substance use, overeating, or self-harm. Their goal is to numb or distract from the pain.

Each part has positive intentions, even if their actions are unhelpful or harmful. IFS therapy helps people recognize and validate these parts while guiding them toward healthier ways of coping.

How IFS Works in Therapy

IFS sessions involve exploring and understanding your internal system by developing compassion towards your parts. Here’s how:

Identifying the parts

Your therapist helps you recognize the different parts within yourself, usually by paying attention to thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations. You might give these parts names or visual representations to better understand them.

Building a relationship with the parts

With guidance from your therapist, you’ll begin communicating with your parts. You might ask a critical part why it acts the way it does, or explore the fears of an exiled part. This process helps uncover the underlying reasons behind your behaviors and emotional responses.

Unblending from the parts

This goal is to help you step into your Self — the calm, confident core that observes and supports your parts. When you tap into the Self, you’ll begin to heal emotionally.

Healing the exiles

Once the Self is in charge, you’ll gently work with your exiled parts by offering them understanding and care. This may involve reprocessing past trauma or reassuring wounded parts that they are safe.

Reorganizing the system

Over time, as the exiles heal, managers and firefighters no longer need to work in extreme ways. They can take on healthier roles. You’ll leave with a more balanced and integrated inner world.

The Benefits of IFS Therapy

IFS therapy is effective for a variety of mental health issues, including:

Anxiety
Depression
Eating disorders
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
Trauma
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
Self-esteem and identity issues
Relationship conflicts
Substance use disorder

Is IFS Therapy Right for You?

If you’re looking for a different way to understand yourself and want a different perspective from more traditional talk therapies, IFS can help. Reach out to us today to connect with an IFS-certified therapist. Together, we can get you on the path to emotional balance.

About the Author

Will Dempsey, LICSW, is a mental health therapist and the founder of Heads Held High Counseling, based out of both Boston and Chicago. Will is a gender-affirming LGBTQ+ practitioner who sees individuals looking to overcome anxiety, depression, and trauma. He often uses EMDR, IFS, CBT, and expressive arts to assist his clients. All sessions are offered exclusively online.

Internal Family Systems: What It Is & How It Works