Anticipatory Grief: What It Is And How You Can Cope

Grief is an experience we’ll all face at some point. Typically, it’s in response to a death or another deep loss.

However, grief can be much more complicated than that. Some people go through anticipatory grief, which happens before the loved one dies. Understanding anticipatory grief can help you come to terms and cope with it.

What is anticipatory grief?

Anticipatory grief, sometimes called “pre-death grief,” is essentially mourning a loss before it’s actually gone. Though it’s similar to “conventional” grief, anticipatory grief is more conceptual. It’s partly the expectation of grief as well as the experience of it, which can make the feelings more complicated. Anticipatory grief can happen in many situations, such as:

• a caregiver grieving while caring for a terminally ill loved one

• a partner mourning a marriage while going through the divorce process

• a person with a chronic illness grieving their independent life

• a person mourning the place they’re leaving in an upcoming career change

• a person receiving a terminal diagnosis

Anticipatory grief can occur in anyone who has an impending loss on the horizon. Like regular grief, anticipatory grief has stages. These stages are:

• denial

• anger

• bargaining

• depression

• acceptance

A grieving person may experience all these stages in a linear fashion. Or they may re-experience a stage, or even skip some altogether. If the grieving person is a caregiver, they may also go through unique stages:
reflection on their relationship with the dying person

• rehearsing the death

• imagining the future

Symptoms of anticipatory grief include:

• feelings of guilt, sadness, denial, and/or anger

• tearfulness

• irritability

• emotional numbness

• difficulty concentrating

• confusion

• anxiety

• depression

• fatigue

• gastrointestinal issues

How to cope with anticipatory grief

• Acknowledge your feelings

Start by acknowledging and accepting that you’re experiencing grief. What you’re going through is normal. Even if you’re feeling angry, shocked, numb, or confused, these are all valid reactions. Allow these feelings to exist within you, without judging them.

• Educate yourself

Learning about anticipatory grief and the specific circumstances of your situation can help you prepare for what’s to come. For example, if your loved one has a terminal illness, read up on what to expect as their disease progresses. Educating yourself about the stages of grief can also give you a blueprint for your emotional experiences.

• Talk to loved ones

Grief can make you feel isolated, especially if you haven’t lost your loved one yet. Talk to the people in your life you trust most. Let them know what you’re going through and how they can be there for you.

• Join a support group

Connecting with others who are in a similar situation can be validating and ease some of your symptoms. Look for in-person support groups in your area, or find one online so you can talk to other people in your shoes. These groups can provide valuable insights into how to cope with your grief.

• Express your emotions

Find a healthy outlet for emotional release. This might include creative exercises like journaling, making visual art, or playing an instrument. It’s also important to stay active, so consider physical activities such as yoga, hiking, or dancing.

Seeking therapy

No one should grieve alone. If you’re anticipating a loss and you’re struggling to cope, reach out to a therapist. Grief counseling can be a safe space for you to express your emotions, talk about how grief is affecting your life, and reframe your relationship with the dying person. Your therapist will help you see a path forward out of grief and accept the loss.

To find out more about how grief counseling can help you cope with anticipatory grief, please reach out to us.