Signs of Perfectionism and How to Manage It

Our society celebrates high achievers and high standards. It’s easy to fall into the trap of perfectionism to please others and ourselves. While we do think of perfectionism as a personality trait, it also comes with some telltale behaviors.

Perfectionism isn’t always a good thing—over time, these behaviors and mentalities can harm your mental health. It’s important to manage expectations, set new goals, and be kind to yourself as a perfectionist.

Unattainable standards

Perfectionists often set impossibly high standards for themselves, constantly aiming for flawlessness in every aspect of their lives. They might even reject success—with the standards they set for themselves, nothing they do will actually be good enough. This can lead to chronic dissatisfaction.

Fear of failure

Being terrified of making mistakes or falling short of expectations is another sign of perfectionism. This fear of failure can paralyze them, preventing them from taking risks or trying new things for fear of not measuring up. It can also be a negative motivator. Rather than wanting to achieve something, they feel compelled to out of a fear of failing.

Black-and-white thinking

Perfectionists tend to see success as all-or-nothing. Either they achieve it all, or they’re complete failures. Halfway performing a task is unthinkable. They struggle with accepting anything less than perfect and often harshly criticize themselves when they feel they’ve underperformed. This mindset can also extent to how they receive constructive criticism from others. Because they’re so afraid of failing, they may respond defensively to feedback that’s meant to be a learning opportunity.

Procrastination

Ironically, perfectionism can lead to procrastination. The fear of not being able to meet their own high standards can cause perfectionists to avoid tasks altogether or delay them indefinitely. This can create a vicious cycle—they berate themselves for failing at tasks they cannot bring themselves to start, making them feel even more like they’re failing. Over time, these feelings can even contribute to anxiety and depression.

Difficulty delegating

Perfectionists have a hard time trusting others to meet their standards, leading them to take on too much responsibility. This can lead to chronic stress and burnout. These control issues can even extend to delegating smaller things, like household chores.

Strategies for managing perfectionism

Set realistic goals

Try to set new goals that allow for growth and accommodate for imperfections. Divide your tasks into smaller, more manageable pieces. You’ll feel a sense of accomplishment as you finish each one. Consider shifting the goalposts to simply finishing something rather than achieving an unrealistic standard.

Challenge black-and-white thinking

Don’t fall into the trap of everything being all or nothing. Allow yourself to exist in gray areas. It’s always better to do a task halfway rather than not starting it at all. Redefine what success looks like for you.

Accept yourself

Accept that perfectionism has taken a toll on your mental health, and you’re turning over a new leaf. Allow yourself to take new risks. Be kind to yourself. Develop an inner voice that’s supportive, compassionate, and forgiving. Look at each of your goals as an opportunity for growth rather than an unattainable ideal.

Ask for help

You shouldn’t take on all your household and work responsibilities. Learn to relinquish some control and ask for help. Delegate tasks and share the workload. If this is difficult for you, think of it as taking care of your mental health and preventing burnout.

Seek therapy

If perfectionism has led to low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues, talking to a therapist can help. In therapy, you’ll learn strategies for coping with stress, starting and finishing tasks, and building your self-compassion and self-esteem. If perfectionism has had a negative effect on your relationships with those around you, your therapist can work with you on control and communication issues.

To find out more about how anxiety therapy can help you manage your perfectionism, please reach out to us.